


Our experiences have shaped us

by broken_fannibal



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: (about Tess/Alec and hinted at with Beth/Mark), Alec Hardy Needs A Hug, Angst, Asexual Alec Hardy, Asexual Character, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, Multi, Sharing a Bed, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/broken_fannibal
Summary: Alec had been very stressed lately so the two of them decide to surprise him with something to help him relax. But it backfires.
Relationships: Alec Hardy/Beth Latimer/Ellie Miller, past Alec Hardy/Tess Henchard
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	Our experiences have shaped us

**Author's Note:**

> All you need to know is that Beth got divorced and now Alec, Ellie and her are together.  
> They live together and raise their kids together.
> 
> I got the idea of Alec/Ellie/Beth as a ship from [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705828/chapters/49185842).

Ellie lay curled around Alec, her arms loosely wrapped around his waist. Beth was facing them, her head resting against Alec's shoulder.

He had been drifting off when Ellie began caressing up and down his sides. He gave a content sigh and kept his eyes closed.

Then Beth shifted and started kissing his neck.

Alec briefly wondered if he should ask where this was going. But he was too tired to think anything of it. And it did feel nice.

But then one of Beth's hand slid down to the waistband of pants. And kept going.

And suddenly he was wide awake. His eyes shot open and he grabbed her wrist to push it away.

She jumped and looked at him, her eyes wide.

Ellie stilled too, her hands resting on his waist now.

He broke eye contact, he couldn't bear looking at Beth. He slowly let go of her wrist and crossed his arms in front of his belly. He could just resist pulling his legs up.

"Alec?" Ellie asked. She propped herself up on one elbow to be able to see his face.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to look at either of them, not wanting to see them judging him.

"What just happened?" Beth asked.

Alec took a shuddering breath. His stomach was in knots, he didn't want to tell them. But he also couldn't think of an excuse. "I don't want..." he hesitated. "that." He bit his lip, waiting for their reactions.

They both frowned, looking at each other and then back at him.

After another moment of silence, he sat, leaning against the headboard and hugged his arms around his shins.

Ellie and Beth sat too.

"I don't understand," Ellie said eventually.

"Does that mean you don't love us?" Beth asked, confusion and hurt laced into her voice.

Alec flinched and buried his head in his arms. "No!" His shoulders trembled a little. This was exactly the kind of argument he'd had with Tess. His throat closed up, he couldn't help it. He made a choked noise.

Beth and Ellie looked at each other again. Neither of them understood what was going on. It just didn't make sense. Why had he reacted like this? Why was he getting so... scared?

"Alec?" Ellie swallowed hard. "Can you explain this to us?"

Alec gave a deep sigh. Dread settled in his stomach. They wouldn't understand. He was sure of that. He wanted to hope that at least Ellie would accept this. Accept him. But it seemed unlikely. He took a deep breath. "I don't... I’m not- I’m not comfortable with sex." That wasn't the best way to put it, was it? But now it was too late anyway. He stared down at his hands, not daring to look at either of them.

Several minutes of silence followed.

"Is there... a reason?" Ellie asked carefully.

"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," Beth added quickly.

Alec was quiet for a long time, mulling it over in his head. He should tell them. But he couldn't. They wouldn't understand. This situation right now, where they didn't outright reject him was the best he could hope for. So in the end, he shook his head. "I’m sorry."

"There's no need to apologise." Beth reached out to caress his arm, smiling softly.

Alec immediately felt some of the worry fade. That was one of Beth's talents. With a few gentle words, a soft touch, she often soothed him.

Ellie took one of his hands.

He looked at Beth, feeling the need to answer her question from earlier. "It’s not that I don't-” he broke off and sighed. “I care about you. I-" he hesitated. Things like this had never been easy to say. Too much commitment. Too much vulnerability. So he gathered his courage and added very quietly: "I  _ do _ love you. Both of you."

Ellie squeezed his hand.

"Sorry about this..." Beth started.

But Alec shook his head and interrupted her. "There's no way you could have known."

"We should have asked," she insisted. "We should have talked about this with you before."

Ellie nodded. "Yeah."

Some of the tension eased from his shoulders. "Why would you even do this in the first place?" He winced. That came out way too harsh.

Guiltily, Beth and Ellie looked at each other.

"You've been so stressed lately. We wanted to help you relax a little," Ellie explained.

"It was my idea," Beth admitted, staring at her own hands in her lap.

"It doesn't matter whose idea it was." His shoulders pulled up a little. He sighed. "I- I don't blame you."

Beth gave a big sigh of relief. "Thank you." After a short moment, she asked: "Can I hug you?"

Alec looked up, surprised. Then he nodded. "Yeah."

Beth scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him.

He leaned in and hugged her back. His eyes slid shut and he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"I'm glad I didn't drive you away," she said quietly.

He frowned. "I could say the same."

Now she leaned back, cocking her head.

"I didn't expect you to just... accept this. Not everyone reacts this well to their partner not wanting to have sex," he said quietly.

She blinked. "I- I guess I haven't thought about what exactly that means for us.”

His face fell, his hands started pulling back from where they had rested on her waist. He should have known. Why had he been so stupid to believe it would all be okay?

As she saw him closing himself off, Beth hurried to continue: “But- but you said it makes you uncomfortable so of course I'll respect that. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

His expression softened a little and he nodded. Still, he couldn't shake the dread.

"Oh god." Ellie couldn't hide the shock in her voice.

Immediately, Alec and Beth turned to look at her.

She stared at him, eyes widened a little.

"What is it?" Alec asked.

She shook her head. "Uh, no. Forget about it. It's not important right now." 

He frowned. "Say it."

"About Tess..." She paused to judge his reaction. "I just- Was this an issue with her?"

Alec looked at her for a while. Then he slowly nodded.

"I'm so sorry, Alec... Is that why she..." Ellie trailed off, she couldn't bring herself to say it.

He took a shuddering breath. "One of the reasons anyway."

Beth looked from one to the other. She knew she was missing quite a lot of context. “Can I ask... who's Tess?"

Alec looked at her for a moment, realising that she didn't know any of this. She hadn't met Tess either. "She's my ex-wife," he explained quickly. "She cheated on me."

"Oh..." Beth felt a pull of sympathy in her chest.

He took a deep breath. It was now or never. This might be the one chance to try to explain it to them. The one time he'd have the courage. So before he could change his mind, he said: "With her... I... she expected me to sleep with her- to want to sleep with her  _ so often _ . We argued about it a lot. Especially in the last months of our relationship.” He took a shuddering breath. “She always accused me of not loving her."

Beth winced, realising the connection to what she had said earlier. She wrapped an arm around him. No wonder he had been so scared to tell them...

Ellie took Alec's hand again. "It's okay if you don't want to. We won't force you to." It felt necessary to add that. Since... well... If Daisy really was Alec's child, it meant he had slept with Tess at least a few times.

Alec looked up at her in surprise. Then he looked over at Beth.

Beth nodded and smiled. She caressed Alec's shoulder with a thumb.

Alec relaxed visibly. “Thank you.” There was still a small discomfort in his belly, he couldn't help it. He couldn't drown out the small voice at the back of his head that told him, they were only saying this now. That they could- no, they would- change their minds later.

Beth hugged him again. He closed his eyes and sunk into the warm embrace. Ellie hugged him as well.

After that, they sat in silence for a while.

Alec knew that they were waiting for him to say what he wanted to do now. It felt awkward... Everything seemed to depend on him. They probably wanted to make sure, he wasn't uncomfortable. While he appreciated the idea, he still wished they would just lie down so he could join them.

"It's alright if you don't want to cuddle for now," Beth said.

He sighed and nodded. "Okay. I don't know. Let's just... let's just sleep. For now."

And so they lay down. Alec on the left with his back to them. Ellie curled around Beth, entwining their hands.

  
  


When they woke up in the morning, Alec wasn't there. technically that wasn't unusual, it always happened on weekdays. But since today was Saturday, it  _ was _ unusual. Normally, he sat in bed and read until they woke up. Or he just lay there with his eyes closed.

Alec had just taken a shower and was going back to the bedroom. But he stopped at the door when he heard voices from inside.

"Do you think he's alright?" Ellie said.

"I don't know. He seemed like he'd be okay last night..."

It was quiet for a while.

He didn't know if now would be a good moment to enter the room.

But before he could, Ellie started talking again. “Maybe he's downstairs?”

There was the shuffling of sheets.

He took a steadying breath and pushed the door open. “I just took a shower.”

“Oh.” Beth stopped where she sat at the edge of the bed. Then: “How are you doing?”

He looked from Beth to Ellie and then at the floor. “I’m fine.” he shrugged. In truth, he didn't really know. He just knew he was glad they hadn't outright rejected him last night.

Beth regarded him for a while. Then she looked at Ellie and sat down on the bed again. She patted the place next to her.

Alec frowned. 

"We should talk about this. In detail." She felt awkward bringing it up but it was important. They would need to talk about it at some point anyway. So they might as well do it now.

Alec’s eyes widened a little. "Oh. Yeah, alright."

"Is that okay?" Ellie asked. She had sat down next to Beth.

He took a deep breath. "Yeah." He nodded.

"So..." Beth started as they sat together on the bed. "You're uncomfortable with sex."

He nodded, not sure what he should say, how much he could say.

“It's okay if you don't want to say why but I think we need to know what exactly that involves for you. You seemed to be fine with cuddling and you never really complained about kissing, so-” Beth broke off. “Is kissing okay? I just- you don't... initiate that as often...”

He shook his head. “No, that's fine.”

“Okay.”

Ellie fidgeted with the seam of her shirt. “So kissing is okay, cuddling is too.”

He nodded.

“But touching you in a sexual way isn't?” Ellie asked, needing to make sure she got this right.

He inhaled shakily, mentally trying to prepare himself. It didn't help much. His heart was beating faster, he nervously rubbed his hands together. He was lucky that they were so patient... “Yeah, basically. Um...” he frowned, trying to find the right words. “I don't like being involved in sexual situations.” Did that make sense? He briefly looked up to judge their reactions. Their expressions were open.

"I don't like..." He swallowed hard. "I don't like being touched." he blurted out. Agh, this was embarrassing... He wished he could calmly and coherently explain this. But he was way too nervous.

After a pause, Beth asked: "Are you okay with us thinking about you? Or having fantasies?"

He pulled a face but shrugged.

Ellie frowned. "You can say no, you know?"

He sighed. "It's... weird to know that someone might think about me in that way."

"So you'd prefer if we didn't?" Beth asked.

He gave another sigh. "I- I can't forbid you to? If you want me then... I mean- I assume you do..." he trailed off, his shoulders pulled up. Then, very quietly, he said: "Yeah. I'd prefer it if you didn't."

They both nodded.

"Okay.”

“No problem."

Alec looked from one to the other. They still weren't rejecting him. And they didn't show any sign they would do so any time soon. He relaxed. They were so accepting. He wondered what he had done to deserve that. "Thank you."

"Of course."

Beth and Ellie each took one of his hands and squeezed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it please consider leaving kudos/comments! <3


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